Duck Duck Cougar?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
