Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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