Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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