Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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