just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
