Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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