you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
