A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
