first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
