When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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