Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
