So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
