I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
