he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Come share oat with me in your robe
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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