Kiss
Puke
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
