peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
