did you get engaged???
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
