i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
