I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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