so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
