Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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