I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
