We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
