WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
