First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize