You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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