Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
