So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
