did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
