It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
