I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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