well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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