I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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