Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize