His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I FOUND THE LEGS
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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