Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
