I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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