he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize