we're blogging at a bar
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
