best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
