My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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