yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize