God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
