if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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