i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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