hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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