We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
