Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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