You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My vagina just clenched in fear
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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