you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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