I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
