i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
