i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
