the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
