just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
