Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You took a bar mat shot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
