I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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