She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize