so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We got so high we made milksteak
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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