is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
