it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
