my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
